Christmas 2013

Without my parents, brother and my boys, I'm not sure I would have made it through Christmas 2013. This year was been a whirlwind. Full of raw emotions that I'm not sure I still understand. This is the first year in over 7 years that I've been alone on Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I'm OK with being alone, however it is much more difficult when children are involved. 

Christmas is about family, love and togetherness. And that is just what this Christmas was all about. The boys and I were surrounded by people who love us unconditionally. They are there for us in good times and bad...through thick and thin. Because after all, isn't that what family is supposed to be? The one person who has your back when no one else does? 

One thing I've definitely learned is the people you think have your back and are there for you no matter what are NO where to be found when things get tough. They are the first to turn their back and pretend they saw and know nothing.

For me, Christmas 2013 was new traditions. A new "normal" for the boys and I....picking out our first live Christmas tree in over 14 years. This is the "first" of many to come. 

So with 2014 knocking on our door, I look forward to new beginning, making new memories and new traditions. The past year has been full of broken promises, disappointment and heartache. The past does not define our future.  The best is yet to come!

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It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year....

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There's No Future in the Past...

With every post I always say that I'm going to post more often.  And before I know it, time has gone by, things have changed and it's been months since I last blogged.

I'm not even sure where to start.  This year didn't exactly start off like I had ever imagined.  By March every hope, dream and prayer I had seemed to be crushed.  My marriage of 6 1/2 years was over.  I prayed so hard that God would bring us back together and we would be able to reconcile.  And then it became very clear to me.  Pastor Perry Noble with www.newspring.cc preached on a series and one thing I learned was God loves me, is always with me and has greater plans for me.  No matter how hard I prayed, we have to remember to pray according to God's will.  I truly had to accept that maybe I wasn't praying according to God's will and just maybe it wasn't meant to be.  Just admitting this alone brings tears to my eyes and is hard to accept.  I've remained silent about so much and to protect my children, I choose to still do so.

Instead of focusing on the negative, I chose to focus on goodness and blessings in my life.  I have a job with Berchtold Corporation and work with some awesome people.  People that I consider my friends.  They have went from being complete strangers to helping wipe away tears when  I needed someone the most to just be there for me.  You truly do find out who your friends are and who will turn their back and pretend they saw nothing.  To my true friends, I will be forever grateful.  God has truly put you in my life for a reason.  You have been like His angels helping me see my way.

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"What if..."

All too often I've tried to determine my own destiny.  All the while questioning and doubting along the way.  The "what if's" have been endless.  You would think I would know by now that faith is not believing that God can see us through, it is knowing that He will.  This past year has been one uncertainty after another.  And as much as I'd like to say that I didn't lean on my own understanding, I did just that.  I tried to make sense of each and every turn of events.  After two career changes (in less than six months), a husband injured in two separate accidents, financial hardship beyond what I could have imagined and a marriage of five years continued to hit below rock bottom, I think every ounce of faith I had crumbled.  As hard as it is for me to understand, I have to believe that everything happens for a reason and through each and every trial, there is a lesson to be taught.  Life is truly a gift and so are the loved ones we share it with.  Our time here is not guaranteed and it is got promised to be an easy one for us.  We are promised God's unconditional love.  A love that surpasses all understanding.  A forgiving love when we screw up time after time again.  A love that provides comfort, healing and understanding.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8   Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; ⁵ does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; ⁶ finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  ⁸ Love never fails.  I love the lyrics of this song.  It reminds me that some of the greatest blessings do not always appear to be blessings at all. 

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

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A New Chapter

It's been awhile since I have blogged about pretty much anything.  To be honest, I really didn't know what to blog about.  The last six months (well, really the last year and a half) has been like a "choose your own adventure book".  Remember those?  If you want to enter into the pitch black dark cave, turn to page 87.  If you want to turn around and run, turn to page 98.  For the most part, I think life is somewhat like a "choose your own adventure" novel.  We reap the outcome of the choices we make, and sometimes (a lot of times for me) I quickly realize that maybe I picked the wrong adventure. 

Over the past year or so, I've learned a lot.  I've learned that if you pray for patience, brace yourself for the trials; because they will come...I promise you!  I love the (MSG) translation of Deuteronomy 31:6.  "Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." And you know what?  He won't.  He doesn't let you down when you fail miserably.  He doesn't turn away even when you push him away.  In the midst of my darkness, God was right there, waiting for me to turn to Him and put all of my trust in Him.  You see, I'm somewhat of a control freak.  I like to know what is going on, I need to know all the details and I like to know well in advance.  So when my life was rocked to the core, my first reaction was that I have this all under control, I can fix this!  Umm...wrong...again!  I'm still learning that I can't fix what isn't mine to fix.  I have to let go, hand it over to God, and stop relying on my own understanding, because quite frankly, look where my understanding has got me this far?  It has my marriage at rock bottom, on the verge of divorce and has me so far away from God, that it scares me.    

One thing I do know is that our God is a forgiving God.  No matter how many time I've totally blown it, He is always right there waiting for me to turn to Him.  Right there waiting for me to hand it all over and surrender.  I struggle daily with surrendering it all.  So as a new chapter of my life has begun, I know that the outcome will be catastrophic if I continue to walk alone in my adventures.  Instead of the Lord waiting on me...I should be handing it over and patiently wait on God's perfect timing. 

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait

I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

 

By John Waller

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Wordless Wednesday

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It's Summertime!

Oh the joys of summertime! I have always loved summer. I know it's blistering hot and the humidity is 100% in Charleston, but I really don't think I would have it any other way. This June the boys and I went to visit one of my bestest friends in New Jersey. Now the weather was not quite as hot as Charleston, but to be the north, it was still toasty.

We defiantly stayed busy. We went to a couple of parks, had a birthday party for our great pal Cole, rode a train at a state park, had a Tastefully Simple party (more on that later...) and went to the Philadelphia Zoo.

Most of all, I love being able to spend time with the boys.  With me working full time, sometimes it just seems like there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done.  So to be able to sit back and enjoy the kids was a treat...at least for the first couple of days!

I'm not sure who the brilliant person is who invited this contraption, but it is sure to make a kid dizzy enough to lose their cookies. 

Not to mention that once it starts spinning, it is nearly impossible to stop.  Must be the same person that invinted the merry-go-round.  Hmmm?

You can't really tell from this picture, but this was really nice at the park.  It is like a mist sprinkler to cool off the kiddos from the hot sun.  Pretty neat and the kids loved it. 

                       

While in Jersey, we went to a state park.  It was a great day and the kids had a blast.  It was very educational and we ended the day with a train ride.  Hunter was more interested in the deer roaming in the field than the actual train ride and Owen was not letting his Momma very far away without a bunch of tears. 

As I mentioned before, we had a birthday party too!  Our little friend Cole turned 1!

Cole had a blast at his first year birthday party with his friends.  I think you can probably tell from the picture that he really likes cake too!  We had an awesome time in New Jersey with our friends and we miss them terribly already.  I sure do wish we lived closer to be able to share more adventures together. 

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